Cover up, Buttercup!

Have you ever felt an extreme sadness take over a phase in your life? What do you do about it? Do you have some trusted people around you whom you can share your thoughts with? Or do you think you can handle it on your own?

Apparently, I have been feeling extremely discouraged over the previous week. There have been instances when I didn’t even feel like getting out of my bed and just stay in my slumber. But I knew I had to. Well, I am really amazed by this personality. I can have my goals and tasks for the day to fuel me up and get me going hour after hour. Thankfully though, I still have my job. Yes, I am taking it as an advantage rather than a disadvantage. Why?

During the week before the previous one, I have been complaining about being a combination of Patterson (2016) and Anne Frank with her Secret Annex days, which I knew of with the Diary of A Young Girl, Anne Frank’s diary. That is, with Patterson having an exact repetitive routine throughout the week that the movie was filmed and Anne Frank during her days at the Secret Annex where she spent most of her time doing self-study using the references that were available to her.

Apparently, just like Patterson, I have been doing the exact same thing throughout the month already; just like Anne Frank, I have been doing self-study with the references available too.

I have been in this dorm for more than a month already, and up until now, waiting for the schedule of interviews. I have been kind of anxious about it already especially that classes will be starting soon enough. Apparently, I am still not enrolled because the interview is not finished yet. My parents tried to find a way though, offered to pay for the first semester and all. However, the school just wouldn’t allow it.

Instead, they told us to wait for a while longer. With the semester coming in and the week-long holiday just before the start of classes, who wouldn’t be anxious about it, right? Who wouldn’t have an existential crisis? Well, definitely not me. I have been feeling worthless for a while now because of it.

I am so not myself lately. And I don’t have anybody to talk about it especially that most of the neighbours here are barristers and regular employees and regular students. Surely, I wouldn’t bother them with my thoughts. Surely I wouldn’t want them to waste their time on me. I just don’t deserve them. I am not fit for this world.

I just hate how this sounds like a diary already. But there’s nothing wrong about inserting some personal stuff in this blog, right? I know for sure nobody can find this. I know for sure nobody is interested. At least, I can somehow share some of my thoughts here.

I got really discouraged by how things have turned out. In fact, you can check it out on my Twitter account, well, that is if I haven’t deleted such tweets by the time you look for them. Since I do not want people to know how badly damaged I have been, I needed to cover up. I needed to show people that I am still the same old Darr who throws puns at almost anything. Since I know I have a larger audience in my Facebook account, it is where I have poured out a lot of puns to cover up.

What actually happened was that I have uploaded two to three puns a day about fruits. This is to get them updated on my life in order to avoid some grave speculations. Since sharing absurd jokes can somehow signify that one’s life is pretty awesome, I have made it to a point to have the upload of puns at regular times. Apparently, people who reacted are getting smaller in number in each passing day.

But that didn’t stop me. I am Buttercup. I can get aggressive just to achieve the goal that has been set. So without fail, I have completed the whole week of doing so.

While my online social media accounts have been regularly updated, my regular tasks, or what I call the routine tasks, have been quite an idle. I didn’t open my law books which have been provided by my father. I have not opened the tab on my laptop for online references of law subjects that I know I should study. Also, I have not done any review exercises from the civil service reviewer. I have already passed both professional and sub-professional civil service exams but I need the material for review purposes.

But I know, I should get back on track. And, this time, I am going to be stronger and bolder. I will let the Supreme Being with the Divine Intervention to decide my fate. At the same time, I am also going to do things and stuff for my own improvement.

Although, I am not quite sure whether I should continue the puns in my Facebook account. I was planning to have vegetable puns. I just do not know yet whether I should pursue or not. But, whatever.